1) Boil ice cream. Complain loudly that the stove/microwave is broken.
2) Sing/play songs that get stuck in peoples heads. (This is the song that doesn't end, SpongeBob theme, etc.)
3) Charge a bathroom tax/toll.
4) Offer to make dinner. Don't take no for an answer. Order pizza, and pretend to be extremely hurt if no on compliments you on the pizza that you worked so hard to make. (This works even if people know that you ordered the pizza.)
5)
Watch the same movie as many times as possible, hogging both DVD
Player, TV, and remote control(s)
WARNING:
This may result in serious injury or death...
6) Run around screaming "WHERE AM I?!?!" Hide in a room, and don't come out for around 10 minutes. If questioned, calmly reply "What are you talking about?"
7)
Sing any song that is annoying or gets stuck in people's heads.
Sing until forcibly restrained. Continue anyways.
Note:
This also works with Christmas/Holiday carols!
8) Whine or sing instead of speaking. Or both!
9) Whine "Coooooommmmeeee ooooooooooooooooonnnn!!" until shot or psychically restrained. Whichever comes first.
10) Run into someone's room, out of breath. "Did an old, bald, ugly and naked man with an umbrella cackling evilly run through here?!" demand this with a tone of upmost urgency. When a reply is given, run off swearing and cursing loudly.
11) Chuck grapes/other foods/small objects at people when they are trying to do work. Repeat until told to stop. Stop for several minutes. Then, restart again. Repeat until forcibly restrained.
12) Follow a few paces behind someone, spray everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
13) Wage war on other members of the household. Create barricades into 'your territory' and recruit pets, friends, and other household members. Kidnap your enemies troops or allies and hold them for ransom. NEVER SURRENDER. When you win, proclaim yourself as Master of the House and act as said title. Use your own imagination to fill in any blanks.
In a Movie Theater:
1) Throw popcorn at the screen. Extra points if your in back.
2) Repeated previous. When someone turns around, point to the person next to you. This is especially effective if there is no one near you, and when you have hidden your popcorn.
3) Upon entering the movie theater, scream the ending and run out, laughing maniacally. This works best with new movies that you saw on the opening day/weekend.
4) Laugh at scary/sad parts, cry at funny parts, cheer when a hero/heroine dies, etc.
5) Steal people's food when they aren't paying attention. (I mean the WHOLE container!) Demand a ransom of your favorite candy that the movie theater doesn't have.
6) In the suspenseful part(s) of the movie, grab people or say something along the lines of "Boo" or "Scream for us/me" in an incredibly creepy voice. Whispering such lines and ducking so that it appears that there is no one there is encouraged.
7) Scream "Luke I am your father!" or "The monkey did it!" during an important part of the movie. Proceed to fall off your seat rolling down the aisle laughing hysterically. Stop, and sit in your chair again, calm as ever. If possible, repeat.
At School:
1) Rip up your paper. Throw the papers in the air and scream "It's snowing!" or "Merry Christmas!" Ask for a new paper. Repeat until forcibly dragged out of the classroom. Be sure to protest loudly and, by all means, don't go without a fight. (Screaming, kicking, clinging to various objects and dragging them with you..)
2) Throw a pencil/pen/eraser/other small object at someone. Point to an innocent classmate.
3) Bring a llama or monkey into class. If asked about it, shake your head and mutter furiously.
4) Continually ask stupid questions. Ex: "How does ink come out of pens?" or "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
5) Use weird analogies to explain things. Make sure that they make absolutely no sense at all.
6) Answer all the questions you teacher asks wrong. The next day, answer them all right. Explain that you are testing the 'Chaos Theory' and that you're only trying to prepare everyone for the real world.
7) When a teacher is doing attendance, and they say your name, break down in fake tears and yell "What do you want from me?!?!" This is especially encouraged with substitutes.
6) Get a group of about ten people, then make pins and signs with a fellow student's name on them. Follow that kid around and cheer whenever she/he does something, and keep on chanting their name. This also works with teachers.
7) Bring things to throw at the instructor when she/he is not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
8) Run into the classroom looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say, "They've found me, I have to leave the country," and run off.
9) On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer everyquestion. For example: "I refuse to answer this question on the groundsthat it conflicts with my religious/lack of beliefs." Be creative.
10) Pretend you're a new student by changing your look entirely and talking different, and then bothering the counselors about your schedule. After you have tortured them for a good while, storm out and go into the bathroom and change back into your normal self.
11) Bring in a pillow. If someone tries to take it away, start screaming and don't stop till they give it back.
In an Elevator:
1) Charge an entrance fee.
2) Move a desk inside the elevator. Ask people if they have an appointment.
3) Poke people and then point to the person next to you. Even if there is no one there.
4) Scream every time the door opens, and shout "VICTORY!" when it closes.
5) Make a sign that says 'Out of Order'. Hand it to a person that enters. Say: "This was on the door." Do this after the elevator doors have closed at the elevator is moving. Especially good when there is a group, or only one other passenger.
6) Press all the floor buttons.
7) Wait till there is a crowd in the elevator. Repeat number six.
8) Pretend to talk on a cell phone. Have a shouting match, then burst into tears. Refuse to be comforted. Finally, hug a random bystander and start sobbing into their shoulder. Don't let go, no matter how hard they try to escape.
9) Snap Polaroid photos of people who enter. "They say if you have a picture of someone, you own their soul." Hold up the picture and proceed to grin evilly in a very 'The Exorcist' fashion.
7) Apply dripping red paint around the edge of the roof hatch. When someone enters, look upwards and whisper "I think they want in..."
8) Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them. Press the wrong ones.
9) "Did you hear that cable snap?" Watch the show. If stared at, grin.
10) Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.
11) Bring easy math flash cards on the elevator and ask the person next to you to help you study them. Get them wrong.
12) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
13) Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up. Scream: "That's mine!!" and snatch it away.
14) Give each passenger a round of applause as they enter or leave.
15) Play dead.
16) Scribble furiously on a notepad while looking at each passenger. When they try to look, hide the pad.
17) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
18) Start a sing-along.
19) When the elevator reaches another passengers floor, scream and collapse in front of the door. Refuse to move, and do not stop screaming. If they try to step over you, grab their ankle.
20) Tell the passengers not to worry. The bomb won't go off for at least another two minutes.
21) Try to purchase an article of clothing from the person next to you.
22) Walk in circles. Change directions when you hit a passenger.
23) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator. Works best with only one other passenger.
24) Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers
25) Leave a box between the doors. If someone goes to move it, trip them or scream "NUUU!!! DON'T TOUCH IT!!!"
26) If someone offers to press the button to your floor, tell them whatever floor is next (ex: if you're on the 2nd floor, tell them the 3rd). When the doors open, don't exit. Say, "SORRY! It's the next one!" Repeat.
While Having Fun in Wal-Mart:
1)
Hide in clothes racks. When someone comes by, shout or whisper "Pick
me, pick me!" Have a friend or two join you, and have an argument.
Ex:
"Shut up blue shirt!" "No you shut up blue jeans!" "Oh my
god would you two be quiet?!"
2) Walk up to a Wal-Mart employee and yell "We have a code three in aisle 15!" Enjoy the show.
3) If a Wal-Mart associate walks up to you and asks if they can help you, break down in tears and scream "Why won't you people leave me alone?!"
4) When an announcement comes on, curl up in a ball and yell "THE VOICES ARE BACK!" This is always good fun with family members.
5) Take random and/or expensive items and place them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
6) Hold an annual cart race in a breakable aisle.
7) Go to the sports section and test out the fishing poles. Interchange with nets. Try to capture employees or innocent shoppers, and hold them for ransom. This is optional, but encouraged.
8) Wear all black and dodge around while humming 'Mission Impossible' or your own theme song.
9) At Christmas time, ask Santa for absurd things. If unable to sit on his lap, scream "HI SANTA!" as loud as possible. As always, family with you is always best. Try to drag them over to meet Santa, or wait until you are forcibly dragged away. Continue screaming "HI!" as you are pulled away
In an Airplane:
1) Come in late. Continually hit people with your bags as you try to find you seat.
2) Pretend to fall asleep on the service button. If 'awoken' make a scene about rude people.
3) Listen to your music and sing horribly off-key or out of tune. Make sure it's loud.
4) Ride a luggage cart down the aisle cheering "YEE-HAW" and swinging something over your head in a very cowboy-like manner. Also fun in hotels.
5) Throw small items across the area, pointing to yet another innocent person when confronted. Make a scene about 'jumping to conclusions' and 'false accusations' if told to stop by an attendant.
6) Call the attendants 'nurse'. Ignore them if they try to correct you.
7) Bring a cellular phone. Call God. Say, "The reception is much clearer up here..."
8) Lean back in your seat, fold your arms behind your head and exclaim, "Thank God for auto-pilot, eh?"
9) Lead a revolt against all the first class. Be sure to include everyone!
10) Sport a kamikaze helmet and goggles. Speak in a low voice into a hand held tape recorder: "Today's date, December 7th, 1941. I was not able to command my own personal plane but success shall still be ours..."
11) Fiddle around with the emergency exit, then ask a fellow passenger if he/she has a crowbar.
12) When you get a package of snacks, as the stewardess what you're supposed to do with it. when they answer, ask, "Why?"
On a Ski Lift:
1) Count the numbers on the chairs going back past you obnoxiously loud.
2) Have you and a friend sit on either side of a stranger. With a cue or something, start looking for each other around the stranger, always missing each other.
3) Sing the first part of the SpongeBob theme, stop right before the chorus, then look at the stranger until he/she sings the chorus.
In General:
1) Glue quarters to the floor of the mall or a sidewalk and see how many people try to pick them up.
2) Ask people to prove everything they say.
3) At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
4) Close your eyes and start snoring whenever anyone tries to talk to you.
5) Consistently refer to everyone as 'mortal.'
6) Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."
7) Whenever someone tries to staple something, grab the stapler and hand them tape. Refuse to give the stapler back while muttering "Staples bad, tape good. Glue is evil." repeatedly.
8) Disassemble your pen and 'accidentally' flip the ink cartridge across the room.
9) Every time someone asks you to do something, or says something to you, demand angrilly "Is that a threat?"
10) Finish all your sentences with the words "In accordance with prophesy."
11) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
12)
Narrate people's actions.
Ex:
"And she scribbled furiously. Now she's glaring at me. She hit me
on the head, and my first thought was 'Ow' and now she's
severely pissed off..."
13) Go up to a someone and say, "Are you annoyed by irrelevant questions?" And then walk away very quickly.
14) Wave at strangers who are driving by in cars. See if they wave back.
15) Jump in front of a moving car that is several yards away and scream "Hit me I'm a SQUIRREL!" This also works with busy hallways/sidewalks/etc.
16) Let doors slam behind you - in other people's faces.
17) Lie obviously about trivial things, such as the time of day.
18) Move people's bookmarks ahead three pages when they aren't looking.
19) Name your dog 'Stay' or 'Dog'. (Some people, like me, might kill you if you actually do this...)
20) Ask "Are we there yet?" every few seconds.
21) Produce a rental video consisting entirely of FBI copyright warnings. Invite friends and family over to watch 'this really cool' movie. Make them stay, and cling to their ankles and don't let go if they try to leave.
22) Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?", "What?", "Never mind, it's gone now."
23) Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
24) Take something of value (the new box of Oreo cookies, new DVD, etc.) from your roommates/family members. Run into your room while laughing maniacally. Refuse to give said object back.
25) Open your door, and create a barricade (pillows, sandbags, the usual). Obtain an army helmet (or a cooking pot) and warn anyone near you that your 'ready to go to war'. Talk to your pet as if they were part of this. This works with friends as well.
26) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
27) Stand on a busy corner. Gasp, look and point up. See how many people look. When they do, turn around and point in another direct.
28) Stare at the sky with great intent. Wait until a crowd as gathered, and refuse to answer the question "What are you looking at?" After a small crowd has gathered, walk away without a word. Watch the reactions.
29) Tape a blank piece of typing paper to your dorm, your room, or office door and leave it up for ages. When someone finally writes on it, yell at them and tell them to please not deface your property. Chase after them with the writing utensil and try to beat them mercilessly with it.
30) Throw newspapers back at paperboys.
31) Throw stones, ice cubs, snowballs, or other 'found-in-nature' objects at people walking past your house. Hide. Repeat.
32) When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
33) When giving directions, leave out a turn or two.
34) When people ask you to do things, mutter under your breath, "This won't be neccessary where you are going."
35) When walking, push an invisible cart and make loud squeaky noises.
36) When someone turns the page of a book, rugby tackle them and throw the book a good five feet away. Explain you were trying to save them from getting a paper cut.
37) When talking to someone, look at a spot about two inches to their right.
38) Whenever someone says something, anything, scream "YOU LIE!" and pointed at them. The scream "Don't listen to me! I LIE!!" Begin laughing. Repeat.
39) When in the appropriate situations, quotes movies/books, etc. Laugh and then suddenly stop, muttering "Man that was good..."
40) Light road flares on a birthday cake.
41) Ask people what gender they are.
42) Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and walking away.
43) Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
44) Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted
45) To properly greet someone, tackle them and pull them into a massive hug, a la Sirius dans The Shoebox Project.
46) Pretend your mouse (computer or real) is a CB radio and talk into it.
47) Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes."
48) Say "okay, you're gay" to anything someone says.
50) When in a conversation, look out the window, then say "Wait, start over. I wasn't paying attention."
51) On a night other than Halloween, get a few friends together and dress like Jason from Friday the 13th. Have each of you stand a mile apart on a highway.
52) Stare and/or point at the sky until another person or so has gathered, and every few moments, gasp, clap your hand to your mouth, and look/point in the opposite direction. Repeat.
53) Whenever someone finishes a sentence say, "And then what happened?"
54) Let loose 9 animals of your choice, and put numbers signs on them up to 10. Leave out the number "7"
55) Go up to a someone and say, "Want to know how you keep someone in suspense?" And then walk away very quickly
56) Whenever somebody says something, ask what the simplest word they said means. When they explain, ask what the simplest word in their explanation means. Repeat this for the entire conversation.
57) Bark like a dog whenever the word "the" is said in a conversation.
58) Stare at someone for about five minutes. Make you they know you're staring at them. Finally, walk up to them, sniff their head, and return to your original spot. Repeat.
59) Whenever someone is halfway through a sentence, hug them, sniffle, and say in a teary voice, "It's not your fault." and then step back as if it never happened.
60) Pay for everything in pennies.
Torture the Pizza/Delivery Guy
1) After ordering, say, "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff.
2) Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
3) Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
4) Ask them to not put a band-aid on it this time or you will sue.
5) Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.
6) Change your accent every three seconds.
7) Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say, "Where was I? Who are you?"
8) Haggle.
9) If they suggest a side order, ask why they are punishing you. Begin crying.
10) If any of your practices are rejected by the order taker, say, in your best pouty voice, "The last guy let me do it."
11) Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say, "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
12) Order a pepperoni pizza. Ask if they can skip the pepperoni. Also works with cheese pizzas.
13) Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."
14) Pass the phone around to everyone in the house -- have each person change the order a little.
15) Pretend your flying a jet fighter in the Gulf War while ordering. Bonus points for screaming orders to fellow house Especially pets or people who hate your insanity.
16) Psychoanalyze the order taker.
17) Put them on hold.
18) Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
19) Say, "Are you sure this is -pizza place's name here-?" When they say yes, say, "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" When they finally offer proof that it is, in fact, the real -pizza place's name-, start to cry and ask, "Do you know what it's like to be lied to?"
20) Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry." Make sure you sound hopeless.
21) Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
22) Tell the the person on the phone or in person that they are gay, and ask them out on a date. This only works for someone of the same sex. (Warning: be careful, they may accept your offer!)
In a Corn Maze:
1) Burst through the corn at unsuspecting people and yell "GET OUT OF MY CORN MAZE!!!"
2) Get a few friends to come wit you. Bring a video camera. Follow people around, proclaiming that you are doing a documentary about the unusually high number of people that have been found dead/are missing in this corn maze. Distract the group you're following, and have a friend sneak ahead and hide in the cornstalks. Frantically search for them, and have the person jump out give your poor victims heart attacks. Works best at night.