Scenes in My Life
**These scenes are in no real specific order. All the scenes have occured in real life, and the people exist. Needless to say: my life is insane. (As of 9/1/07, more insanity is to be expected due to recent discovery of more insane peoples)**Mitch: *is writing 'Mitch wuz here' on whiteboard*
Mr. Beeley: *comes into teacher-less classroom* HEY! What do you think yer writing on this board?
Mitch: *splutters for explanation, but is laughing*
Mr. Beeley: *fake kicks Mitch in butt*
Mitch: *falls to ground, still laughing*
Mr. Beeley: *erases board and snatches marker* *proceeds to write 'Grassi has a big a'*
Mr. Grassi: *walks in*
Class: *roaring with laughter by then*
Mr. Beeley: *doesn't miss a beat* *points marker at laughing Mitch* -and don't I catch you writing stuff like that again! This kid... Lucky I stopped him. I stopped him before he finished, good thing he didn't finish that 'a' word. Thank goodness.
Class: *laughing hysterically, and some are doubled over with laughter*
Colin: *helps Mitch up, both fall to ground laughing*
Mr. Beeley: *helps both up, leaves with grin*
Mr. Grassi: *hopefully is clueless*
Mr. Grassi: Negatives are imaginary numbers.
Me: Then why do they exist?
Mr. Grassi: They don't exist.
Me: *frustrated* Then why do we use'em?!
Mr. Grassi: *walks away*
Me: ANSWER ME!
Mr. Beeley: *pretends to answer the phone that has been ringing for a minute* City Morgue, you kill'em we chill'em.
Colin: *to Grassi* You know you love me like a son!
Mr. Grassi: *muttering* Like the son I never wanted.
Class: *burst out laughing, 'oh's erupt*
Ms. Romanchik: *is warning specific students to behave* Levi!
Levi: *defensively* But I didn't do anything!
Ms. Romanchik: No, but I know it's coming!
Me: *picks up chocolate bar* *reads label* HA!!! IN THE GOVERNMENTS FACE! THEY CAN'T BAN IT CUZ IT HAS NOOO TRANS FAT! *begins to cackle*
My Mom: *shakes head*
My Mom:*about a movie* I don't think you would've liked it, it was really deep.
Me:What?
My Dad: Yeah Julie you're too shallow!
Me: *kicks Dad in shins* I AM NOT SHALLOW!
Lindsey: *after annoying the heck oughtta me* Now doesn't that make you feel all warm inside?
Me: I want to hit you, is that the same thing?
Lindsey:...No...
Me: Dang!
Kara: Ask me to do something!
Me: Uh... Go away?
Kara: NOOO!!! That is against my religion! I REFUSE!
Me: How about staying alive?
Kara: That- is in my religion!
(about my Santa cookie)
Me: He is not ugly!
Mom: He's ugly.
Mike: He's really ugly.
Me: HE'S NOT UGLY! He's disfigured...DO NOT JUDGE HIM BY HIS ISSUES!
Me: *while talking about a reindoor cookie* Rudolph is fat! Mom there's a fat rudolph!
Me: *about a reindeer cookie* Mom, Rudolph is blind that's why he needs a shiny red nose! He has no eyes!
Mom: *puts candy for reindeer cookie's eyes*
Me: *glares*
(this scene was repeated every time I made a reindeer cookie...)
My: MY GOD! *about the bleeding snowman cookie. It had red food coloring on it.*
Grandma: You called child?
(while rolling lemons)
*a lemon falls to the floor and rolls around*
Me and Mike: *stare*
Me: *picks it up* well, at least it's well rolled.
(about our 'bad' cookies)
Me: So we have a big-mouthed angel, a potbelly Santa, a non-ugly but disfigured Santa, several once-blind Rudolphs, a bleeding snowman, a dead or burnt Christmas tree and... OH yeah! The fat Rudolph!
Lindsey: *about Mitch* He has brain issues.
Ms. Barons: Yes, but we try not tell him.
Ms. Barons: Comments, concerns or complaints?
Mitch: I'm complaining!
Ms. Barons: Yes, but I don't care.
(I was wearing a shirt that says 'Personal Bubble: Keep out!')
Mr. Beeley: *stands abnormally close to me*
Me: What?
Mr. Beeley: I'm invading your bubble.
Me: Go away... *starts to walk away*
Mr. Beeley: *trips me* Don't fall!
Me: *stumbles* Mean!
(Madame Joseph had just told us all a story)
Taz: You're bad at telling stories.
Madame Joseph: Well you're bad at french!
(After I had just read a story/math problem in a fake British accent. The previous day, I read a problem without the accent. I was NOT happy...:P )
Mitch: *after 'applause'* I couldn't understand a word she said.
Me: You're the one who wanted the British accent...
Mr. Grassi: *to Jenna and Emily G.* You're both undermining my authority!
Me: *acting shocked* You have authority?!
Mr. Grassi: *death glare*
Me: I'm sorry! I couldn't resist! It was a good... Joke? *nervous chuckle*
(About records, permanent, etc.)
Mr. Beeley: When's your criminal record start? *turns to BJ* BJ when did yours start?
Ms. Romanchik: *to Jared* What are you doing?!
Jared: Making fun of Chris.
Thomas: *to Ms. Weg while she's talking to Mr. Beeley* He beats us!
Ms. Weg: I've worked with him. I encourage him to beat you!
Most Kids: *grin wickedly*
Helen: I'll se you in gym!
Kara: You're going to jail?! Why?!
Me: *stares* *shakes head*
Chris: What is life but one giant surgery?
Me: *kicks Kara's folder under a riser*
Kara: No! I need my folder to... To fold stuff!
*Paco, my polar bear paper cutout Valentine card bobbly thing, breaks*
Me: *screaming bloody murder* PACO!!! *scrambles to fix Paco* It's okay Paco, I'll fix you Paco, you're all better now Paco!
Kara: *pushes Paco over*
Me: PACO!!! YOU FELL OVER!!!! *puts Paco upright*
Me: My polar bear's name is Paco Ramando Rodriguez the Polar Bear!
Jesse: My walrus if Joey! No wait... SUPER JOEY!
Mr. Grassi: What about number 25, how did you figure that out?
Me: Uh, logic? Common sense? The intelligence of a 4th grader? An IQ above negative?
Terrell: *to Kara* You know Roman, right?
Kara: *stares*
Terrell: Well, he likes you. *walks away*
Kara: *muttering* I'm sure he likes you too...
Jake: BJ's good at nothing.
BJ: What's your point?
Ms. Romanchik: What's another sugar besides glucose?
Matt: SPLENDA!
(Spelling Bee Fun!)
Jared: A-B-C-D-E-F-G
Me: B-Y-E! *sits down*
Ms. Barons: L-O-S-E-R.
Stephen: (after asking questions about the word) Can you spell it?
Me: S-E-E-Y-A!
Ms. Barons: Would you stop wasting my time?
Me: B-But, I really didn't know how to spell it! I didn't know I was gonna get that tough of a word!
Ms. Barons: *gives me a LOOK*
(end the spelling Bee Fun!)
Kara & Melanie: I can be whatever I want to do! Don't you look at me in that tone of voice!
Me: 'The Secret Camp'? But it's not a secret, it's on a MAP!
Jesse: What a strange world... I like it!
Helen: I'm the most coordinated person I know! *trips over air*
Kara: *after we didn't pay attention to the lesson* I hope she didn't say anything important.
Teacher: And don't forget, this will all be on the test!
Me: *pales* Oh damn.
Mo: Does an emo carrot taste better than a normal carrot?
Jesse: Oooo!!! I GET TO SAY A WORD!!! *snatches book*
Me: *cheerfully* We're all friends! *mutters* Damn it...
Me: One soul is not equal to another. One cheese is not equal to another!!
Kara: *goes to sit down*
Mo: *pushes chair out of way*
Kara: *falls*
Everyone: *laugh hysterically*
Mo: That just made my day!
Helen: KARA! You're disturbing the peace!
Kara: What peace?
Kara: Don't worry, I've only done this once before!
Me: *to Lindsey* Karma's a bitch... Just like you!
Mr. Beeley: I did not bring you here to socialize with my encore kids! I brough you over here to shame you! To embrass you into doing your work!
Mr. Roach: *with the microphone* Jessica -nameblocked- could you come up here please?
Jesse: *stands up* *slams book on table* I DIDN'T DO IT!
Me: *to Lindsey* Get away from me with that camera.
Lindsey: Awww... Do I have to?
Me: Yes.
Lindsey: Do I get a choice?
Me: No.
Lindsey: *after she hit me with a chair* Oh my gosh! I am SO sorry!
Me: You didn't say that last time!
Lindsey: I meant it last time!
Me: Cheese is good with age. Now where can I buy some age?
Mr. Beeley: Make sure you all have work!
Me: Packet–
Mr. Beeley: *flicks my shoulder*
Me: *glares* –from Grassi cause he's evil.
Mr. Beeley: Glad you know it.
Jesse: *about lunch detention* They're gonna throw me in the brig! NO!
Me: Don't worry Jake, I'll save ye after lunch.
Jesse: Thank you! Wait, what?
Jesse: *as being dragged away* BLOODY WENCH!
Me: *waves*
Dag: *is blocking door*
Me: *nicely* Dag, please let us in.
Dag: NO!!
Me: *tries to shove him away from the door* LET ME IN!
Dag: I'll go in when I want to!
Me: I asked nicely! *tries to wrestle hand away from doornob* COME ON!!
Dag: NO!!!
Mr. Grassi: *about a test paper* and she-
Carmen: That's me! I'm a girl!
Mr. Grassi: Good thing you got a hair cut.
Class: Ohhhhh!
Carmen: At least I have hair!
Class: OHHHHHH!
Jesse: *to me* MOOCHER!
Me: Hypocrite!
Kara: Butter!
Jesse: *as if responding to someone calling her name* WHAT?!
Everyone: HA!
Me: *to Jesse, after she threw several things at everyone* Don't touch ANYTHING that can FLY!
Jesse: YOU can fly! *lunges for me*
Me: *dodges* Not ME!
Me: *about a mini-quiz* I got a one out of six, that'll make you feel better.
Jared: Me too!
Both: *high five* YES!
Me: *after Lindsey hit me and I punched her back* Hey! I can take a hit! I'd just prefer not to...
Mr. Beeley: *in hallway* *trips me*
Me: *stumbles, nearly falls* PAIN!
Mr. Beeley: In the...
Me: Not gonna say it!
Mr. Beeley: Good girl.
Me: *about a corny Home Ec. video* Oh yeah, it's a demon chef, 'cause EVERYONE has nightmares about them!
Helen: *points to Jesse* She scares me!
Mr. Roach: She scares me too, which is why I don't talk to her anymore.
Jesse: Stick it up your nose!
Kid: *about Ms. Weg* She's an abusive teacher!
Mr. Manzeck: What's wrong with being an abusive teacher?
Mike: Julie, look how much gravy Ms. Romanchik got!
Me: *looks*
*lunch tray is covered in gravy*
Me: Would you like some mashed potatoes with your gravy?
Ms. Romanchik: Don't get smart with me!
Me: *grins*
Mr. Beeley: after Larry asked for help with his Spanish homwork) Bon voyage classe!
Me: That means 'good voyage'. In FRENCH.
Mr. Beeley: I was speaking Franish!.... Or Spench...Maybe it was Fratalian...
Lindsey: You're just jealous of Fabio the Raccoon.
Me: Why?
Lindsey: his tail is better than yours.
Me: I don't have a tail. And he's a raccoon.
Lindsey: Exactly.
Mitch: (about the penguins in March of the Penguins) I'd give'em a ride.
Matt: With your snowmobile!
Mitch: I'll just be like 'Hey, ya need a ride?'
Danielle: Yeah, 'cause penguins can talk.
Mitch: They'll be like 'Ark, ark, ark'-oh wait that's seals...
Mitch: What about the Northern Lights?
Matt: [the penguins] They're in the SOUTH pole.
Mitch: Oh...
(day after the previous scene)
Mitch: In your face!
Matt: Those are the Southern Lights!
Mitch: I don't care, they're still light! IN YOUR FACE!
(Chris was notorious for swearing in front of Ms. Romanchik during Science)
Chris: *stands up* YES! Finally! Someone else is getting in trouble for swearing!
Shaneka: I didn't swear.
Ms. Romanchik: She didn't swear.
Chris: She didn't swear? What the hell?!
Mitch: (about a Jolly Rancher) Can I have one?
Mr. Beeley: No, this one just fell out of the sky and it his me on the head so I put it in my mouth.
Mitch: (about the penguins) It looks like they're praying!
Mr. Werner: Stay away from boys, they're evil.
Mike (reading a riddle) What's easy to get into, but hard to get out of?
Me: Jeans after Thanksgiving.
Jesse: Julie...
Me: What?
Jesse: I gots sum'n ta tell you...
Me: What is it?
Jesse: I lost a poker game.
Me: Why do I care?
Jesse: Cuz I kinda bet you...
Me: *pause* That's funny! Seriously, what'd you lose?
Jesse: You...
Me: That's not funny.
Jesse: *looks sheepish*...
Me: YOU LOST ME IN A POKER GAME?!?!
Jesse: Kinda...
Me: DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU, THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO BE BET IN A POKER GAME?!?!!
Jesse: Maybe...
(no worries, she told me later that she hadn't REALLY lost me in a poker game...)
Me: (to Jesse) Don't lose me in a poker game. Or Mexican Bingo. And no arranging my marriage!
Me: Did you lose me in Poker?
Jesse: No.
Me: (relieved) Okay.
Jesse: It was Bingo.
Me: How do you lose in Bingo?!
Jesse: It was Mexican Bingo.
(On the phone)
Me: Bye. Don't lose me in a poker game again.
Jesse: Hehe.. You're still mad about that?
Me: Yeah!
Jesse: Okay. I will. *hangs up*
Me: HEY!
Mike: Do you wanna go to Target?
Me: (in serious pain all over my body) Yeah, just lemme get the feeling back in my ass.
(Dad had helped with the dishes, which was my chore that week)
Me: *hugs Dad* Thank you Daddy!
My Dad: You're welcome.
Me: *starts to leave room* *pauses* You don't even know what you did.
My Dad: Um... *grins* I... Didn't fart in your room?
Me: *leaving* Oh my gawd.
(about Will from Pirates of the Caribbean)
Me: HIS NAME IS BILLIAM!!!! (pronounced 'Bill-yum')
Ms. Barons: Matt! Give her her purse back, it doesn't suit you!
Mme Joseph: *talking to herself* ... and I only have them for one year...
Ben: Who're you talking to?
Mme Joseph: Myself.
Ben: Well, you know, we are taking a test!
Mme Joseph: I don't care.
Taylor: Oh I want to go to Japan sooooo bad! I love Chinese food!
Me: Hey, did Kara go on that trip today? Yeah! She did!
Helen: Kara's gone?
Abi: Mr. Beeley I can't think!
Mr. Beeley: Why's today any different then?
Gino: I didn't understand it anyway.
Ms. Romanchik: That's because you were asleep!
Me: Raise your hand if you're sadistic! *raises hand*
Mike, Mo, & Jesse: What does that mean?
Me: *sighs* You enjoy other people's pain.
Mike, Mo & Jesse: OOOOOOOHHHH!!!! *all raise hands*
Me: *raises hand again*
Mr. Beeley: I'm gonna smack you.
Kristian: Isn't that illegal?
Mr. Beeley: Yes, but it's fun.
*lots of rattling on door* *several bangs*
Larry: *walks in*
Mr. Beeley: See, you just turn the handle one way... (makes turning motion with hand) and it should just...
Larry: 'Yeah, I know but... (Larry had trouble opening the door all the time, and it became a class joke)
Jesse: I'm an angel!
Me: *snorts* Yeah, and hell froze over.
Jesse: Can we ice skate?
Mr. Beeley: Study for your quiz! Don't make me have to kill you!
Kara: JESSE! I want the cheese!
Jesse: The cheese doesn't want you!
Jesse: OH NO! It's the Apocolypse! The world is ending! (accusingly) KARA!
Kara: My caffiene system has too much blood.
Jesse: You're a lost cause Kara.
Mr. Roach: (over microphone) (after singing off key) You guys should wait until you hear me at the talent show!
Entire cafeteria (the entire class of 2011 = 300+ kids): *scream, choke, or cough* *shout various comments*
Lindsey: You're a Russian love child with 2 fathers!
Me: (after three weeks of her calling me that) Well you're a Polish prostitute with 3 children!
Lindsey: And you might possibly be my 4th!
(during square dancing)
Jesse: OH MY GOD!
Mo: What?
Jesse: There's a little man in the box singing to us! He's squeaky!
Mo: SQUEAKY!!
Both: SQUEAKY!!!!!!!!!!
Me: (after Helen pretended she didn't know who Jesse was) You know, she really likes it when you steal her food.
Helen: *snatches Jesse's pizza*
Jesse: HEY! MINE! *steals pizza back*
(We had to fill out surveys, and my answer was 'I really hate it when... People are obnoxious.')
Duane: Julie, I'm obnoxious, does that mean you don't like me?
Me: You're the exception to the case.
Riley: What about me?
Me: You too. Wait, you're not obnoxious!
Riley: Hey, I like her, she doesn't think I'm obnoxious!
Mr. Beeley: Don't worry Julie, a lot of writers have been thought of as insane- I mean mistaken for insane.
Megan: (to the group) These two Freshman are officially cool, 'cause she's in acting *points to me* and she has pink hair. *points to Leslie*
Leslie: (after the above announcement) And because I'm amazing.
Megan: You're amazing? Wow, me too!
Leslie: Cool, we're both amazing!
Me: (sarcastically) And modest.
Natalie: (about Andrew) He's very kickable.
(Natalie's cellphone was broken, and she had chucked it at the ground and it remained intact. So Andrew decided to remedy that fact.)
Andrew: *chucks Natalie's phone againsta brick wall, and it shatters*
All: *laugh and holler*
Natalie: *5 minutes later* Who wants a piece of my phone as a souvenir?
A bunch of us: I DO! *clamor around Natalie*
(I got the totally broken screen half of her phone as a souvenir. I shall treasure it forever! It was also suggested we tell Natalie's parents that the phone got run over by a bus, and Andrew suggested putting grass and dirt on the remains. They believed her.)
Nina: *after I gave her some chocolate granola* That is sexy granola.
Leslie: Yeah, your granola is hott.
Me: Then why wouldn't you eat it?
All: *laugh at Leslie*
Mollie: (after Mrs. Garsin told us if we put 'starch' as an answer, she had given us a point) But she put starch and didn't get a point!
Carmen: I'm a he!
Alicia: *to Austin, who was complaining* Are you bleeding?
Austin: *shakes head no*
Alicia: Then shut up.
Jesse: *shakes me* I HATE SPANISH!
Me: I got that from the shaking and shouting 'I hate Spanish.'
Jesse: BUT I HATE SPANISH!
(There is always pen ink on Hannah's table)
Jared: Maybe it's someone who SITS THERE.
Hannah: *shakes ink covered arm* I'm gonna beat them up!
Mrs. Garsin: You probably could.
Frank: *over PA system* And today's quote it, "A kiss from a dove is worth a million dollars." That was said by Jack Conroy, who got robbed.
Ms. Renfer: ...and you may be like 'Oh I love this movie!'
Duane: Breakfast Club!
Ms. Renfer: Or you could be Duane...
(Discussing the homework, and coming up with reaons why we can't finish it over the weekend)
Chris from Geometry: I'm going to a funeral.
Mrs. Warner: Hopefully it won't take the whole weekend.
Chris from Geometry: It might, it's my funeral.
(After we wouldn't be quiet and kept talking)
Ms. Renfer: Hey, I'm talking! I'm a teacher beacuse I like attention -
Class: *all open mouths to make wise cracks*
Ms. Renfer: *hastily* I'm KIDDING.
(playing hackysack)
Todd: What is this 'Aim At Todd Day?'
Bill: No, it's 'Aim At Todd's HEAD Day!'
(Later that day, Todd wanted the hackysack.)
Todd: It's 'Aim At Todd's Head Day' so let TODD aim at Todd's head!
(about the bug that lives in the Black Box theater)
Ms. Starkweather: Be nice to George, he's very shy.
(about George)
Ms. Starkweather: He's good luck!
(about his cat scratching his hand)
Mr. Stevens: I was just petting my cat - oh you're such a good little kitty - and he clawed me!.... Kitty ended up in a crate....
(about the homework we got on the bus)
Duane: I threw mine out the window!
Hannah: 1...2...3...
Abi: What are you doing?
Hannah: You'll see. 4...5...6...7...8...9...10...11...12...13...14...15...16. A woman has just been hit. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10...11...12...13...14...15...16. A woman has just been hit- OW! {Abi had punched her}
Catie: (as we were voting for what movie to watch in class) I don't know what to vote for.
Leslie and Me: *together* *vehemently* VOTE FOR THE GRINCH!
Ms. Renfer: Many of you have already read this book, and I am very bitter about that.
Mr. Yandow: (to Mike M.) You're in the wrong class to be making short jokes.
(about the penguin given to me for Christmas by Emily C. It has green earmuffs and a green scarf. There were others she gave to other peope, and some had green stuff and others had red earmuffs and a red scarf)
Person: Why did you name it Cherry?
Me: Cuz it's not red.
Person: But why'd you name it Cherry?
Me: Cuz it's not red!
(Person = Lindsey, Mike, Jesse, and Leslie.)
Danny: *is carrying three boxes of pizza, with a box of chicken wings on top*
Me: *walks over, tries to take away the pizza*
Danny: What are you doing?
Me: Taking the food.
Danny: No! *pulls food away*
Me: *glares* *takes chicken wing box and walks away* I win.
Mike: *starts to laugh*
Mr. Stevens: I mean, who doesn't like to watch the Muppets?
Jon: *raises hand*
Mr. Stevens: Just because you're scared of them doesn't count.
Jon: *drops mouth open, scowls*
(Duane's pen isn't working, and we keep making changes to the notes that we're taking)
Duane: GAH!
Me: You want a pencil? Or a pen?
Sam: What about a punching bag?
Duane: Punching bag would be good right now...
Me: Poor Duane.
Mr. Yandow: Any questions NOT about seniors [citizens] or death?
Me: My life has gone to the Insane Festival hosted courtesy of the one and only Hell.
Duane: Me dost think you should all shut up.
Carmen: (at the end of Romeo & Juliet) YAY! Everybody wins!
Duane: They're all DEAD!
(They were walking down the street, and they saw a guy)
Olivia: Is that a gun?!
Leslie Olivia, it's a skateboard.
Nina: *walks into homeroom late* *to the substitute, Mr. Catalano* Hi Ms. Garson! *sits down, looks and realizes who it is* You're not Ms. Garsin.
Mr. Catalano: (about the worksheet) What do we do with this?
Class: PUT IT AWAY!
Mr. Catalano: If anyone hands this in, I will have Hannah slap you. *turns to Hannah* You get to hit people.
Mr. Catalano: (later) Hannah, I need you!
Bernie: *backs away & flees for his life around classroom*
(talking about her friend's fiancee who is Italian and spells his name like 'Andrea', though you pronounce it 'Ahn-dray-ah' not 'Ann-dree-ah', and she's mocking their invitations)
Ms. Renfer: "Please come to the wedding of Alicia and Andrea, and it's not even in Vermont!"
(we had a drug-search/lockdown, and a girl just said she saw the dogs outside)
Kyle: RUN JOE!
Ms. Realbuto: Where's Joe?
Kyle: *to his friend* I bet the dogs got him!
(April 1st)
Ms. Realbuto: We're going on a field trip! *to another teacher* I'm taking my study hall on a field trip!
Everyone: *clamors* Where? Wegmans?
Ms. Realbuto: APRIL FOOLS!
Everyone: *laugh, go 'awwwwwwwww'*
(There is caution tape that means we're all supposed to keep off the grass in the courtyard, which is 80 percent of it. The hackysack boys are playing wall ball with a tennis ball, and it goes over the tape.)
Mike(random upperclassman).: *stops at tape* *stares at tape, then ball, then tape, then ball* *tries to use foot to knock the ball closer, but he is careful not to touch the ground over the tape* *that fails, so he gets a tiny little stick and leans over to hit it closer*
Other random guy: *is fed up* *steps under tape, picks up ball and walks back*
Everyone: *cracking up, laughing hysterically*
Leslie: Breathing's for pansies!
Mr. Yandow: *to Carmen* You cold?
Carmen: No.
Mr. Yandow: *opens window next to Carmen* Now?
Carmen: Yes.
Mr. Yandow: For real?
Carmen: No. Yes. Maybe.
Mr. Yandow: *shakes head, walk away*
Grandma: (after the doorbell rang, to my Mom) It's the Mormons, don't open the door!
Leslie: Do you have food?
Kelly: When?
Me: Hello backpack, you're sane.
Leslie: "Hello backpack, you're sane." Yeah, you're sane for saying that.
(Ms. Garsin was gonna let us work in groups, but she decided we wouldn't be able to do it and still behave)
Matt M.: If we had sedatives we could!
Jared: We couldn't work...
Jesse: *like she's stoned* Yesterday, I was like, driving... And there was this tree...and it was CRAZY.
Security Guard: *walks in* Do you have Amber [nameblocked]?
Mr. Stevens: We have Amber T[nameblocked]
James: You can take her!
Class: *laughs and agrees*
Security Guard: Okay, that'll work.
Mr. Cummings: Do you know what kids do on the final?
Carmen: Fail?
Duane: What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine.
(at a ceremony for honor and high honor roll kids, a good 100+ students)
Speaker: Raise your hand if you would like to be a lawyer.
*no one raises hand*
Crowd: *laughs*
Duane: So Queen Elizabeth just sits there?
Mr. Yandow: Sits on her throne, wears her jewels, lives in the castle...
Matt M. (I think it was him): Listens to her iPod...
Mr. Cummings: *to AmyJo* How do you pronounce your name?
Duane: ah-me-ho!
AmyJo: NO! It's Ay-me-jo!
Mr. Cummings: Mongols liked to kill people and break stuff.
Frank: And today is Tuesday, the worst day of the week!
Mr. Yandow: No throwing shoes, no ripping off faces.
(I told Jesse she swears too much)
Jesse: I don't f@#king swear that much!
Me: *starts laughing*
Jesse: f#%k you!
Me: *laughs harder*
Me: *points to glass of water* Are you gonna drink that?
Mom: Yeah.
Me: ...Can I have it anyways?
Nicole: Do you have a problem with my singing?!
Mr. Yandow: Was that singing?
Nicole: *mouth drops open*
Class: *laughing*
Mr. Yandow: I wasn't trying to be rude! I didn't really hear, it was this kinda squeaking thing...
(our class is notorious for talking too much and throwing things, and we were talking really loudly)
Mr. Yandow: Carmen, we're gonna play a game, the "don't talk" game.
Carmen: COOL!
Duane: How do you play?
Mr. Yandow: Don't talk.
Jared: What are the rules? How do you win.
Mr. Yandow: Don't talk, you win. Talk, you lose.
Duane: What's the prize?
Mr. Yandow: Not getting kicked out.
Mr. Yandow: (later) We could also play the "no throwing" game!
(we're making cookies)
Mom: That's what we forgot, the vanilla extract!
Mike: Oh I put that in.
Mom: The vanilla?
Mike: No.
Me: *starts laughing* What?!
Jesse: *to her little sister who is about to walk the dog* Keep the loop around your arm at all times. that way, if he drags you some place I can find you both.
Random Young Girl @ Target: (I was trying on running shoes) Are you a runner?
Me: Uh... Kinda...
Random Young Girl @ Target: You look like a runnner.
(we're at Wal-Mart)
Random Employee: *puts hand on my shoulder comfortingly* Don't worry, you'll have a boyfriend when you're 25.
Me: *sarcastically* Thanks.
Mom: No, it's 30.
Random Employee: 45!
Mr. Beeley: Wanna some smencils? [smencils = pencils]
(Kyle and some of his friends used a book cover to make a mask & a 2-inch cape. They made a 'French' swirly mustache on it too.)
Kyle: How do you say grapefruit in French?
Me: Pamplemousse.
Kyle: Really? Pamplemousse?
Me: Yes...
Kyle: *with a bad French accent* I am... Pamplemousse!
Class: *is taking pictures and laughing hysterically*
Kyle: I should just like, run into the French room and be like *uses bad French accent* "Bonjour! I am pamplemousse!" and run out.
(We were talking about geographical features for our review for the final)
Mr. Yandow: Brandon, what?
Brandon: Hammurabi's Code?
Class: *starts laughing*
Mr. Yandow: *slowly* GEO. GRAPHICAL. FEATURE.
(after it rained, and Leslie was very happy for no reason)
Me: Hey, it's sunny!
Leslie: I hate the world.
(Leslie had offered Natalie the last Oreo, while she was dunking her own Oreo in a glass of milk)
Natalie: *takes it* *dunks it in Leslie's glass of milk*
Leslie: *death glare* GET OUT OF MY MILK!
(in French class)
John D.: Zut... What is that, the Greek God of Lightning or whatever?
Me: That's ZEUS.
John D.: Oh.
Jesse: Julie, you ripped me off, this pencil doesn't work!
Me: *confused* *realizes she stole my pencil* *death glare*
Lindsey: Don't make me go to Grassi!
Mr. Beeley: Go to Grassi.
Mr. Beeley: They all died and lived happily ever after!
Me: *scoffs* Nice.
Mr. Beeley: *starts laughing*
Me: (on the last day of 8th grade) This school is weird.
Mr. Beeley: The weirdest.
Both: *grin*
Dad: (is playing a game on his cellphone) The shmuck doesn't go anywhere!
Mr. Stevens: (about Seattle) It's like New York City with no people.
(We're talking about what we're going to be for Halloween)
Lindsey: I'm gonna be a pretty fairy!
Kara: I'm gonna be an evil fairy!
Me: I'm gonna be a strange fairy!
Kristian: I'm gonna be a transvestite!
3 Of Us: What?! *start luaghing*
(We're were discussing insurance on your house, and our teacher was telling us about how they won't cover you for "an act of God")
Jared: What about the 7 Plagues?
Me: Yeah, am I covered for locusts?
Both: *start laughing*
Jared: How about darkness coverage?
Me: Could you imagine someone acually filling that in a form? And the guy reading it is like, "What the hell!?"
Me: Revenge is like cupcakes. It comes in many diffent varieties, but it's always sweet...
(talking about alternate versions of Romeo & Juliet)
Duane: In my version, Lady Capulet falls down the stairs, and the Nurse falls on top of her and they both die.
Carmen: How would that affect the Nurse?
Duane: Well, Lady Capulet has a sharp nose...
(Watching a movie-version of Romeo & Juliet)
Carmen: She's like, making out with him.
Duane: She's trying to get the poison.
Carmen: From his NOSE?!
(talking about foreign language choices)
Mme Black: Then why did you choose French?
John D.: For the fries!
Me: *frustrated with printer because it won't print* *hits printer, hard*
Printer: *starts to print*
Me: *obnoxiously cheerful* HI DADDY!
Dad: Go away, pest.
(we were pulling away a wooden board from an old porch)
Grandma: If a rat comes outta here, I don't wanna hear about it.
Me: You'll hear something.
(There were French kids on the exchange program at our school visiting. We were in the line for lunch and they were serving this disgusting shrimp poppers, but originally, I had no idea what they were.)
Me: *makes disgusted face*
Pascal: *sees me* *grins and chuckles*
Me & Natalie: *go over to him*
Pascal: *points to food* What iz it?
Me: *honestly* I don't know... *thinks about it* Shrimp?
Pascal: *gives me confused look*
Me: Uh, crevettes? (shrimp?)
Pascal: Oh! *weak laugh*
Natalie: Bonne chance! (Good luck!)
Pascal: I think I will need it.