..:: A Poem of Contradictions::..
One fine day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight.
Back-to-back they faced each other,
Pulled out their knives and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
And rushed to save the two dead boys.
A paralyzed donkey walking by,
Kicked the copper in the eye,
Sent him through a rubber wall,
Into a dry ditch and drowned them all.
If you don't believe this lie is true,
Ask the blind man -- he saw it too!
~*~ Warped Highschool Love ~*~
The freshmen girl, oh so shy, sits and watches the sophomore guy, the sophomore guy, head all in a whirl, sits and watches the Junior girl, the Junior girl, in her red sedan, sits and admires the Senior man, the senior man, all hott and wild, secretly loves the freshmen child.
The Death of Doughboy
It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following. Please join me in remembering a great icon. The Pillsbury Dough boy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was only 51. Dough boy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their
respects, including Mrs. Butter worth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins,
Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch.
The gravesite was piled high with flours, as long-time friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Dough boy rose quickly in show business but his later life was
filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he even still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions. Toward the end it was thought that he would rise again, but alas, he was no tart.
Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his
elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about twenty minutes.
The Safe Driver Award
A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled
down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem,
Officer?"
"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am
pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations.
What do you think you're going to do with the money?"
He thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that
drivers' license."
The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman,
"Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's a smartass when he's drunk
and stoned."
The guy from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get
far in a stolen car!"
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled
voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
~ Be Careful What You Wish For ~
There once was a bear& a rabbit that hated each other. One day they found a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each 3 wishes.
The bear went first and he said, "I wish to be the only male bear in this forest." And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, "I want a motorcycle helmet." And he got his wish.
The bear went up and said, "I wish to be the only male bear in the U.S. and all the rest were female." And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, "I wish I had a motorcycle to go with that helmet." And he got his wish.
The bear said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females." And he got his wish.
Then it was the rabbit's turn, and he said, "I wish that bear was gay."
MEAN!
This is this cat.
This is is cat.
This is how cat.
This is to cat.
This is keep cat.
This is a cat.
This is loser cat.
This is busy cat.
This is for cat.
This is forty cat.
This is seconds cat.
Go back to the top and read the 3rd word of each line.
~ Disorders a la telephone! ~
I am not currently available right now. However, if you would like to be transferred to another correspondent, please press the number that best fits your personality:
-If you are obsessive compulsive, please press "1" repeatedly.
-If you are codependent, please ask someone to press "2".
-If you have multiple personalities, please press "3", "4", and "5".
-If you are paranoid delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace your call.
-If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the little voice will tell you which number to press.
-If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter what number you press, no one will answer.
